


Spin the Bottle

by JuliaBC



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 03:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5692366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaBC/pseuds/JuliaBC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Penelope's birthday, JJ suggests a drinking game. Each chapter will feature a member of the team's POV. Not romantic and no pairings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rules

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this idea is completely ridiculous, but isn't that was fanfiction is for? To do things that would never happen in canon? My birthday is coming up, so this is really a birthday present for me. I'll reiterate what I said in the summary: this is not supposed to be romantic and there are no pairings.
> 
> Rated T for drinking and very subtle adult themes.
> 
> Enjoy!

Spin the Bottle: Intro

* * *

 

* * *

"All right, the birthday girl has something to say," JJ said, clapping her hands together. "Attention, please!"

"People!" Morgan bellowed, and the talk died away. "Empress Penelope has a new command."

"It's not a command," Garcia protested, as she hurried to the front of the room. "I just have an idea for a game to play." A smile let her lips as she revealed a bottle of vodka she'd been holding behind her back.

"Ooh, shots?" Rossi asked.

"Yes! But after we play the game."

"What game?" Reid asked, finally sounding interested.

"Spin the Bottle!" Garcia announced triumphantly.

"Before you protest," JJ hurried to say, "Kissing doesn't always have a sexual connotation, and we don't mean it to here. This is just a family activity." She held up her hands to forestall the groaning.

"No family I know pays spin the bottle," Rossi muttered in an aside to Hotch, who raised his hand.

"In an activity like this, the only connotation possible is sexual," he protested. "I know it's your birthday but don't be ridiculous."

"Whoa!" Morgan said. "What's ridiculous? It's a bonding experience. And as the good Doctor so often reminds us, kissing passes less germs than handshakes."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't pass any!" Reid said, frantically turning to Callahan, who stood beside him, undecided. She was watching Hotch, waiting for his decision.

Hotch checked his watch. "Fine."

"Good!" Garcia said. "Okay, here are the rules!"

She and JJ pushed them all into a circle and Garcia carefully placed the vodka bottle in the center.

"First, you get one spin. Who it lands on is final, no exceptions. Second, we'll just do one spin each. Third, after you kiss someone, you can have a vodka shot as your reward. Fourth, faces and hands are the only targets allowed." Garcia sat down, next to Reid. "Ooh, and fifth, the two partners stand up so there is not awkwardness, or less, at least. And the one who spins is the one to kiss, again, no exceptions. And sixth, each kiss must last three seconds. No air kisses from Paris here!" She paused. "Uh, who's next to me? Reid, you go first."


	2. Reid

Spin the Bottle: Reid

Alternate chapter title: Why should I go first?

* * *

"What? Don't you want to go first?"

"No, I want to go last," she said, straightening her glasses. "Now spin it!"

"Okay, fine!" Reid said, leaning out to push it.

Spin the bottle wasn't something that held good memories for Reid, and he was fighting back nasty images as he pushed it.

Too late—he was fifteen again, he'd spun Skye, and she was refusing, screwing her pretty face into a look of disgust.

He blinked back, fighting down the memory. He remembered how Maeve had counteracted that type of problem: _"When we finally meet, I'm gonna make blindfolds fun again."_

Reid knew the same thing would work here, and waited in tense expectation as it spun around, wishing he hadn't given it such a slow push. He wasn't sure who he wanted it to land on, and stole a look at the woman on his left.

It landed on Hotch, who was checking his phone and didn't notice.

"Uh, Hotch?" JJ said, elbowing him.

"What, it's Reid's turn!" He said, then looked up when Reid stood and no one else did. Then he looked down to the bottle and the phone fell to the floor.

"Oh." He also stood up.

"Shouldn't the vodka shot be taken first?" Rossi said slyly.

"No, it's the incentive to do it," Garcia said, watching Hotch walk to the center.

"I don't like vodka," Reid said, even as he leaned forward and picked up Hotch's hand. "My lord," he greeted, and kissed it quickly.

"Ah, ah, ah, remember the sixth rule?" Garcia chided. "I'm not even sure you made contact."

"Count," Reid told Hotch, meeting his eyes.

"I don't have my stopwatch," Hotch joked, but a reluctant smile was coming to his face. "Okay. One, two, three."

Reid kissed Hotch's hand again, and the other man counted.

"See?" JJ said. "Neither of you died."

"No, but if you give me the vodka, I might," Reid said as JJ took out a shot glass and poured him his serving.

He took it, and turned to face Garcia, who was smiling at him.

" _Vashe zrodovye_!" He toasted, raising his glass high, and downed it in one try.

 


	3. Kate

Spin the Bottle: Callahan

Alternate chapter title: Following the Leader

* * *

Kate was still unsure about the whole thing, as they sat down in a circle, with Reid on her right and Morgan on her left. She'd learned that the best thing to do, in any job, was to follow the leader's cues—if the leader was competent, which Hotch certainly was.

He had said fine, but even now he was ignoring the game, until hoots and an aptly placed elbow from JJ prompted him to look up.

He was good-natured about it, Kate was pleased to see, and relaxed as Reid kissed Hotch's hand, took the glass from JJ and made his toast.

"And Happy Birthday, Penelope!" He said after he'd finished choking on his vodka. "Can I have another?"

"No. Come on, sit down, it's Kate's turn."

Reid sat down again, his smile coming more readily; his spirits had obviously been buoyed by the alcohol.

Kate looked around the circle, and a private smile came to her face. She knew who she wanted it to land on, as silly as this whole thing was. "Okay, here goes!" She said, and pushed the bottle hard, watching the liquid inside splash instead of seeing who it landed on, and it was—

Hotch. Weird.

This time, he'd been paying attention, and stood up more readily, while Kate hopped to her feet, wishing to take her time, but wanting to follow the leader's cues.

"Now," she said, looking to Garcia. "Three seconds or three kisses?"

"Three kisses is fine," Penelope answered. "Go for it." She exchanged looks with JJ; they were still the ones who were really enjoying this.

"Come at me," Hotch said, eyes laughing. He was so relaxed, so suddenly.

She brushed his cheeks with her lips, one for each. "Happy Penelope's birthday," she told him, and brushed his mouth with her own, not lingering. Hotch's eyes met hers as she pulled away, and she smiled.

Hotch went back to his seat, as Kate was handed her glass. "To my one month with the BAU, and to Penelope Garcia, tech analyst extraordinaire!"

"Hear, hear!" Rossi chanted, raising an invisible glass as Kate swallowed the vodka, but she was distracted by a certain person with great hair and a tie, and choked on it. "It went down the wrong hole," she gasped, coughing and her eyes were watering as she went to sit down again.


	4. Morgan

Spin the Bottle: Morgan

Alternate chapter title: That is not who I wanted!

* * *

What better game was there besides spin the bottle, which both humiliated and emboldened people? Besides, it was just what they needed. They had just closed a nasty case. (And besides that, they hadn't actually done anything like this with Kate yet.)

He wolf-whistled when Reid spun Hotch, and cackled with Rossi when Callahan also spun Hotch. Boss Man was really getting lucky tonight.

"He's the lucky one tonight, I see," Rossi said to him as Kate drank. "Who are you hoping for?"

Morgan shrugged. "Penelope. Might as well make her birthday one to remember, right?"

"Indeed," Rossi said, as Kate returned to her seat.

"My turn," Moran crowed. "Time for me to shine, and I know exactly how to spin it to get who I want!" Eyes glittering wickedly, he gave the bottle a well calculated push and it spun around: Rossi, JJ, Hotch, Garcia, Reid, Callahan, himself, Rossi, JJ, Hotch, Gar—

No. It stopped on Hotch.

Hotch stood. "Come at me, bro!" he said, and it was so unlike Hotch that everyone burst out laughing. Morgan noticed lazily that Hotch was looking especially something tonight, with his jacket off and sleeves rolled up; his tie was loosened just the right amount.

"I see you didn't want to break the trend," JJ laughed. 'Hotch is certainly on everyone's minds tonight!"

Morgan stood up, grinning good-naturedly, but he was still disappointed he'd gotten Hotch. It wasn't his birthday.

"Come here," he said, and embraced Hotch, letting his lips brush Hotch's cheek.

To his surprise, Hotch returned the embrace, and Morgan realized how long it had been since he'd really spoken to Hotch. Garcia and JJ and Savannah had been on his mind so much lately, the Unit Chief had slipped his mind.

He'd bulked up, Morgan realized. There was much thumping on the back before Hotch went back to his place.

"Okay, Baby Girl, here's to you. You are the best, most wonderful woman I have ever had the privilege of knowing—no offense intended to you two," he said, indicating Kate and JJ. "Here's to you," he repeated. "Live long and laugh often, and Baby, never change."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, there might be a pattern starting...
> 
> Though this may come off as vain, the best is yet to come.


	5. Rossi

Spin the Bottle: Rossi

Alternate chapter title: I'm Italian, I kiss everyone!

* * *

He felt nostalgic as he watched the joking that went on throughout the game. "Okay, now it's my turn to go and see if that vodka is actually worth this," he joked, leaning forward to slap Morgan's hand as he returned to his seat. "Hotch, prepare yourself."

"Hey man, just be careful how you spin that thing," Morgan cautioned.

"Yeah, you don't want to end up with someone who _also_ has facial hair. It might convince you to shave yours off," JJ said, still laughing.

Garcia and JJ were having the time of their lives—everyone else was still just a tad uneasy about it.

"If I must," Rossi said, reaching out to touch the bottle, but withdrew his hand. "Don't I get any extra incentive?"

"Like a senior's discount?" JJ asked.

"Isn't a kiss enough?" Morgan asked as Garcia exclaimed fervently, "No!"

He spun the bottle extra hard and it whirled in a dizzying circle—

Who would he get? Who did he want to get?

He checked his watch as a chorus of hoots broke out. He looked up and the bottle was pointed at Aaron. He should've known.

"Come along, _il mio amico,_ let us embrace," he called, standing up.

"Aren't you disappointed?" Hotch asked, also standing.

""I'm Italian, I kiss everyone, right?" Rossi kissed Hotch on both cheeks, holding his face in his hands. "And you shaved recently. JJ, I did not get any facial hair."

"Should've kissed him a few years ago then," she shot back as Hotch, shaking his head at her, went back to his seat, grinning.

Rossi took the glass she handed him. "Here's something that says how I feel about you, Penelope. You are a wonderful, caring woman. I hope you never change. _Cento di questi giorni,"_ he said, his eyes meeting hers. "I mean it, Penelope. Don't change."

He downed the shot.


	6. JJ

Spin the Bottle: JJ

Alternate chapter title: Kisses don't have to have a sexual connotation. I mean it.

* * *

It was her idea, JJ had to remind herself. She was the one to give Garcia the vodka and suggest a more 'interesting' drinking game than usual.

So why was she dreading her turn?

She laughed louder and heckled harder than anyone else as the slow-but-quick progression from Reid to Callahan to Morgan to Rossi went around.

_Kisses don't have to have a sexual connotation. I kiss Henry all the time._

It didn't have to do with her conscience. Her conscience was fine with it. Just her nerves weren't.

But Hotch was putting up with it, and even enjoying himself.

"Are you sure you can handle that much?" She called to Rossi as he downed his glass, earning her a dirty look.

Anything to delay her turn.

Rossi took the bottle from her and placed it back on the floor carefully. "I must admit, you know how to pick your vodka, JJ."

She mock bowed. "I had a Russian roommate one year."

She let a laugh bubble up, until she was laughing so hard she was clutching her stomach as she leaned forward to spin the bottle. It went around the circle once, lazily, and landed on Hotch.

Predictable.

She stood quickly, wobbling a bit on her higher than usual heels and her jumpy nerves.

"It's getting to be a tradition," Reid joked. "Will this happen every year? On Penelope's birthday, we all kiss Hotch?"

"Makes perfect sense," Callahan agreed, nudging him with her shoulder.

JJ envied them. "Okay, Penelope, this is for you. May I say here that I agree with all the statements said about you before I spoke, especially Rossi's. Don't change, honey." She leaned to kiss Hotch, still grinning. There was something bittersweet in the action, as her lips touched his smooth cheeks.

Rossi was right; Hotch had shaved. She could smell his aftershave, and restrained herself from taking another sniff.

"I just want to say, that you are the best, most wonderful friend I ever had. This one's for you." She downed the vodka, her thoughts flashing back to the last time she'd drunk vodka like this: when she'd been hired as liaison for the BAU. She'd gone out drinking with her friends from college, and they'd gotten wasted. That was the last time she'd actually gotten drunk.

She had forgotten just how strong vodka was, and it burned on the way down so that she almost choked like Callahan had.


	7. Hotch

Spin the Bottle: Hotch

Alternate chapter title: That Awkward Moment Where Everyone Spun Hotch, Including Hotch.

* * *

He hadn't expected to enjoy himself, but he was having a great time.

Each kiss, from Reid's drama to Callahan's shyness, to Morgan's embrace and Rossi's Italian flavor, to JJ laughing so hard she almost missed his face...

What was that old Dean Martin song? _Memories are made of this._

He wondered who he would spin. Garcia was standing up, to embrace JJ. "You're my best friend too," she enthused. "Morgan, get a picture, please."

The agent willingly withdrew his phone and snapped the shot of Garcia and JJ with their arms around each other.

"Okay, you can go now," Garcia said when she and JJ were seated again.

Hotch didn't miss a beat. "Thank you, Garcia." His dry tone set everyone laughing again.

He didn't mind playing a part when circumstances called for it. He put on his Hotch glare and pretended extreme reluctance as his fingers spun the bottle into a frenzy.

Garcia, Reid, Callahan, Morgan, Rossi, JJ, himself, and again.

It started slowing by Rossi and had ground to a halt when it landed on—a chorus of laughter and indignant shouts—himself.

"You can't kiss yourself," Reid demanded. "Where's the thrill? The humiliation you guys kept touting?"

"No second spins," Hotch reminded, his voice silky as he turned to Garcia. "Right?"

"Uh—" the birthday girl's gaze shot to JJ but Hotch shook his head.

"You said no second spins."

"No, I mean, yes, I did. No second spins," Garcia affirmed.

"Thank you," Hotch nodded, and stood up.

Reid snapped his fingers. "Hey, Callahan, can I see your purse?"

"What? Sure," she said, starting to get up but Reid stopped her.

"I can get it. Hotch, stay right there." He rushed off to the bullpen, returning in a flash with something clutched in his right hand.

"For you," he told Hotch, and handed him—

"A compact mirror," Hotch said, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Makes more sense," Morgan said.

"How else?" Rossi asked.

"Hands?" Hotch said, waving them.

"Where's the humiliation in that?" JJ asked.

"Basically, we want pictures," Morgan already had his phone out and Reid dived over Callahan to hiss something in Morgan's ear. Hotch wouldn't be surprised if he were ordering prints.

"Okay, I suppose this is the only chance I'll get to kiss someone so beautiful, right?"

A chorus of boos.

With exaggerated vanity, he brought mirror to his lips and kissed his reflection.


	8. Garcia

Spin the Bottle: Garcia

Alternate chapter title: Dreams

* * *

She hadn't had so much fun in months. This evening she'd been laughing nonstop, everyone was toasting her, and things with Morgan were OK again.

Bliss. This was bliss. Better than being with Sam because those moments never lasted. Every time she looked at that bottle—for she planned to keep it—she could remember this. Every time she walked into the Round Table room she could envision it as it was right now: the chairs shoved against the walls and the table carted away for the night. Every time she saw Hotch, she could remember his blushing cheeks when Reid kissed him, and the way he'd embraced Morgan.

Bliss.

"Penelope, you are a wonderful woman. I just want to say that I wish you all the happiness in the world, and none of the tragedy. Keep smiling." Hotch raised his glass.

Penelope Garcia flushed with giddiness as Hotch walked back to his seat. It was her turn!

JJ had replaced the bottle for him and Garcia leaned out to spin it, the hem of her orange bubble skirt crinkling as she did so. "Okay, let's hope I can break this jinx. Not that I don't want to kiss you, sir, I would be perfectly fine with kissing you!" She realized how her words sounded and rushed to amend them.

"I would be perfectly fine with kissing you, but go ahead and break the curse," Hotch returned, eyes crinkling. Garcia smiled back at him.

All right, baby. Point me true!" She exclaimed, and spun the bottle. It went wildly around until it landed on...

Morgan.

She scrambled to her feet, rushing to meet him in the middle.

"Okay, I know nobody else had a chance to do this because we all spun Hotch, but for future reference, this is how you kiss a woman," Morgan said. "Unless you mind. This would be breaking the rules."

"Break away," Garcia grinned, and Morgan dipped her in his arms, causing her stomach to jump.

He kissed her deeply and pulled away slowly. "Happy birthday to me," Garcia whispered.

"Baby girl, happy birthday to you," Morgan returned. "I love you."

"I know it."

* * *

A few minutes later, when the vodka had been polished off and Garcia was wondering what exactly to do with the bottle—fill it with colored sand? Paint it? Fill it with something else?—Morgan stood up.

"I have one more game suggestion for the evening, before Hotch escapes from our clutches. Four words: Seven Minutes in Heaven."

The team fled before he finished speaking: Rossi and Hotch escaped together, heading towards their offices to grab a few things before leaving and Reid and Callahan, without speaking, had a race to the elevator. JJ lingered for a moment, then she shook her head at them. "Seven Minutes in Heaven is a far cry from Spin the Bottle, Morgan," she said, smiling. "I have to go too, though. I told Will I'd be home early."

"Drive safe," Garcia said, hugging her again. Then he and Garcia were left alone, holding their empty glasses.

Garcia just looked at him. "Is your offer still open?" She asked, her tone turning seductive.

"When are any of my offers not open to you?" He returned, but then his phone beeped, and moments later, Hotch came back in, a reluctant Rossi trailing behind. Looking towards the elevators, Morgan could see Kate and Reid emerging from the same one they'd just went down in, and JJ came back from her desk.

"What, you want to play after all?" Morgan asked, and Hotch shook his head.

"We have a case."

* * *

 


End file.
